Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I have feelings that need drinking.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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