you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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