one might say we're banned from that church
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
