I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
