I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
