i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
