guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
