By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We left the knife in your bed.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Randomize
