Your tits are I can't wait for
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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