Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
