good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
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