Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Best friends brother. Beat that.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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