I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
