rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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