ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
