**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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