You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
