help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
