Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
