She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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