matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
