that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
