Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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