ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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