i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
