Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
