he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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