chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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