My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
