How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
