how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
