how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
