Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
