She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Are we still banned from the library?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
