I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
