it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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