i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
