There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
