my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize