I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
