Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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