I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My underwear smells like fireworks.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize