If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
