If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
