What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Randomize
