toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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