when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
