$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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