as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize