if only i could text you this smell
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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