I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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