Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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