Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
