Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Operation Purity has been aborted
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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