He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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