im six kinds of drunk right now
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
