My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
