so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
