yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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