yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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