I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
