sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize