I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
