nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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