What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
