is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
