he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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