my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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