I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
