all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
