There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
only you would photoshop your dick
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
