Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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