I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Congratulations! We have a period
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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