Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
they need to just BURY HIM!
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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