their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
