I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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