I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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