Please, let me fuck your mom
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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