OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
