What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
