Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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