I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
