bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
