My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize