mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
