i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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