No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
