eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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