He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
