Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
