It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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