It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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