Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
