i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? šš
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being āgoodā and 10 being ābanging a studentās fatherā, how bad is it that Iām banging a studentās father?
Randomize
