Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
