chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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