I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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