Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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