yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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