I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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