marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
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