You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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